10/3/92I was ready to go 10/1, but the tide was wrong. At peace, perhaps a more complete one than the rest of the world. In a week or more I'd have to look for one crisis after another. Stalling around Peter Bang's yard, restowing, tightening mizzen stays, when my black Jewish fellow boat owner's rather Italian ladyfriend approached me. Peter, you are going? Yes, just waiting for tide and daylight. Well, we want you to have this. [A macramé necklace with four blue beads.] This one for fair winds. This one for smooth sea. This one for safe passage and I've forgotten the other, but it was to the point. First tears of the journey, probably not the last. Actually this turned out to be a false start. My mizzen tore in strong winds, and I came back to get it patched, clean up and start over.10/10/92Caesar (a volunteer crew) showed up and plans changed a trifle, but we went with the tide and a last minute two cases of beer. (I had planned an austerity trip, only rum.)
Hard weather by midmorning of the second day. Not too hard for Apogee, but hard for Caesar. He ate a good supper on day 1, and hardly another thing till the day before he left me. OK, he was good about watches, but we never really set up a schedule. I took the night one for the most part, but he did his share and a lot more of the day ones. Good company too. He never inflicted his malaise on me, although I couldn't help being conscious of it. Apogee, bottom clean, bowled along and top speed out of Boston, Queen of all oceans.10/11Trifle threadbare at the hem, frankly worn at the pockets, and showing me, who loves her still, the lines of lots of miles at sea. Minor disasters by the many showed me that I had done my homework poorly in the coupla weeks I had allowed for prep. Better than last time, but plenty of room for improvement. Storage and Stowage - I wrote a book, but it's no good - I don't read it. Stuff gets shoved in back of, on top of, in, through and over. Problem is ME. Flashlights - bought four the day before departure. One left working now and that only pointing down! Some other holes in the supplies.
First damage was to me. Hematoma on my tail, left cheek and hip covered a lot of area and a beautiful blue when I got a look at it a few days later. It's taken right up to now - a fat week after departure - to be able to sit comfortably, or at all the first coupla three days.
The first coupla days were FAST. A strong NW wind whisked us out of Boston and Massachusetts Bay, and a northerly shift freed us to choose our crossing of the Gulf Stream. 200 miles in two days, fast for Apogee. Reefed in the main 110 miles from Boston's #1 green buoy (the exit from Boston buoy), and put that to bed after midnight to fly along under jib and jigger. Jib halyard let go. No way to replace it at sea. Blowing still, and making good way with the reefed main. Finally had to heave to and strike the main altogether. Blowing - wet - pumping more than I like.
Now we are sailing again. Porpoises at sunset. Sargasso weed. Warm water but still pumping and it takes more out of the battery than I feel I can afford. So three nights I've laid ahull, opened the engine hatch and pumped out by hand. Caesar back to life and not really happy about being here.10/12I spoke to the only passing boat so far and they were willing to take him aboard and did. Much talk in the space between seeing the NAPA in the distance and the transfer, which was easily done. They slowed down, up and across the wind. I approached, jockeyed for position at their ladder. Caesar's bag went up on a line. Caesar followed closely on the ladder. I headed off, casting the lines off as I went. Thanked them for taking him, and out of sight in a few minutes. OK I'm alone again, leaking again, but NOT COLD!
Peak halyard went that pm, first break at the outer block where it's always stretched and strained. So I'm alone, leaking, missing my two propulsive sails, and wet all over! Second change of clothes and heave to for the night. Tired out of my tree. Lost the shackle for the bottom of the jib (tack), found another. Pump every 1 1/2 hours. Secure - heaved to at sea several nights, losing miles every time. Now I'm just past the point of no return - drifting on course at night. Main and jib need jury rig, and the sea is too boisterous to work on the deck or in the air.
Now it's November 12th, not yet daylight, and I'm feeling good about getting there. Leaking is less, but not completely stopped. Arse still in hard pain off and on. Still tired out of my tree. Jury jib, and maybe tomorrow will win me a few more than the 15 or 20 miles I did today. (This may end up being the longest letter in the world!) So tired I can't write! Been thinking about things I want to say, but they disappear as fast as they surface. OK, bed. Good to write even this little.10/15Sorry to skip. But what I've been through has been pretty awful. And though the light shows at the end of the tunnel, it's a long ways off and there are dips, dives and disaster yet. Now I'm sailing smoothly in biggish seas. Broad reaching, magnetic south, self steering. 2 reefs in the main that is held up at the peak by a spare lazy jack. It has a small tear that is worrisome, above the #2 reef. Whole mizzen, which has all its gear, and a jury jib hoisted on t'other lazy jack. Took two whole days to get it rigged and then it wouldn't do NUTHIN at first. A lot of cursing and fiddling has got it pulling us along very happily in an 18 knot breeze. Not exactly on course, 15 to 20 degrees high, and the wind's expected to haul around the Bermuda high. I'm on the good side. God help me if I need to do any fancy maneuvering.16 maybe 17 OctoberWhat's been really hard is the constant failure of gear, simple stupidities like flashlights - 3 new ones gone in 4 days. Compass lights died too. I've fixed them three mornings in a row, and usually die in half an hour. Bulbs get too hot. Now I've rebuilt a fixture for a smaller bulb. Turns out to be the same amperage, will it need the same cooling? Can it get itself cool from the slight additional space? It's the last of those bulbs, so no more night sailing if it doesn't. One of the swivel hinges of the companionway ladder broke. Not hard to climb in and out, but 50 times a day? I use the 12V electric bilge pump when the engine is running or about to run - it takes a lot juice. Mostly I now climb into the engine hold and pump out by hand. Needs pumping on a 3-4 hour schedule. Dried off for 14 hours t'other day. I thought I was shut of it. NOPE. Murphy is standing by. Can't remember them all, but it's been one problem after another ever since Caesar left, and for a while before, come to think of it. He thought we were doomed. I've thought so half a dozen time since too. Very depressing. Not scary like a danger, but there is the end approaching and not a damn thing to be done. So far there has been a thing to be done, mostly only one, depressing in itself, and often only after a night's cogitation: what if - maybe - Batteries in the double pack are deaad. #1 seems to carry the load. I'm asking a lot of it. WASTE NOT. There is not enough fuel for a turn-on-the-power-and go. We might get 100 miles closer, but still not within radio call. Great freighter crossed my bow several miles ahead. I tried to call him. No answer. It's MY ocean, live on it & die on it!
It has been unbelievably difficult. I don't know for how long, and a lot of it without progress. Pumping comes and goes. I can't figure out the leak. Sometimes I need to pump out regularly on alternate hours, but for a couple of days it was 8 hours between. I thought I had it licked, but it got me out again. The auto-bilge pump can handle it, but it blinks on and off so fast that it wears out the switch in a few hours or is it days? I can't tell. The last switch got installed shortly after Caesar left - that's the time scale, BC and AD!Probably 10/18We are now at 16 October, 10 days (I think) on the road. Only a few miles since Caesar left. But many gallons pumped through, and a running block (??) of minor disasters as well as the serious loss of 2 halyards, jib and peak. I've replaced the mizzen halyard too, but by itself the mizzen is only a luffing inducer. The only sound sail left is the big jib that I can't raise. It's off and stowed. Jury jib is badly torn and NFG. I had it up - hung free - remarkably good pull too, working with double reefed main whose peak was hoisted with an inverted lazy jack. Blow is the common denominator here, we've had only one period of calm long enough to measure fuel level, and that turns out to be only half enough to get to BDA under power, even in smooth seas.
So where I am is:. leaking, without ANY usable sail (even mizzen has a hole in it.) More wind than I ever prayed for, and right in my face now - although it was right behind me for a coupla three days. I used it too with a 3-sail jury rig. Now I'm just waiting for a fair enough:wind to be able to power close enough to BDA to call for a tow. I try now and again, but no answer. Calm and fair under power I might get through a hundred miles, and that's the absolute MAX. Might catch a ship though. Other wise my chances of survival are very grim. Lots of food, plenty of water, hard to rest on this rough ocean.
You may be able to see from my words above some of what I've been through. It's been hectic at best and harrowing more often than not. Time to pump again. I've been ready to shut down efforts three separate times and quite conscious of very slim chances of survival most of the time. OK. Live with it long. enough and it's part of the pattern of life. But never very encouraging.
On Board Spring Gannet, an ore carrier. Luxurious: every man has a stateroom, all are at least as big as Apogee's total space for humans, and most of it wasted of course - got to get my little bitch in. Crew is Philippino, Capt. and Engineer are Japanese, boat is apparently US registry. Why not Canadian if they move ore from Jamaica to Quebec? I'll ask in due course. Good news is finding my writings in the book I brought along for paper. Further good results: a lot of stuff I haven't used in years sailed off toward nowhere in Apogee. Hurts some, but I'll recover. I was in tears after the revocable (irrevocable?) decision. The 2 and 1/2 hour wait for Spring Gannet to show was as bad as anything I've ever been through.10/19 (?)Noon of my first full day on Spring Gannet. I've been on a tour of this ship, led by Francisco Barcelona, who has an engine room rating. Spent some time with the Chief Engineer, Japanese, friendly and informal with me and his staff. Everything is automated. Bunker C fuel, relieved at starts and stops with infusion of Diesel. Electric power basic to all operations and controls. There is NO steering wheel! Push a button and an electric gnome does things to the rudder to make the ship go gee or haw as the button says. I can kid about it - it not only works well, it brings this 205m motor vessel neatly alongside my 10-meter cripple, so that lines can be dropped between masts for my gear to be hoisted, and so that I can climb up a woven net hung down the side for me. I couldn't climb it. They hoisted it from the deck with me clinging for dear life and not feeling a bit confident of being able to hang on for that enormous height. Nearly 40 feet actually sea level to top of rail. Looked like a mile from the bottom. Warm smiling Philippino faces and helping hands dragged me over the edge - a stretcher ready. Nope I could stand, barely, and stagger - partly physical exhaustion, but a lot of relief and reaction of and from the enormous decision to abandon Apogee, to change my life style. Really a place where my world begins again. Many new threads to be introduced to the old warp. Not now clear which of the old will survive, but it's very clear that the step from one to t'other has been taken.10/20Lunch - Rice, which is in a large warmer for self service; meaty stew in side dish w/gravy and a hunk of fish (cooked dry? steamed?) on another side dish. All good to and for me. I ate half the rice most of these young men put away, but with equal gusto. Breakfast this am: 2 eggs, fried with no noticeable fat, a cooked sardine side dish (Canadian sardines, w/oil & tomato bits, possibly lime juice) that I found delicious; toast or rice; 3 or 4 kinds of jam, peanut butter; Tang, instant coffee and tea and milk on call, also "Millo", a Nestle choco drink. All good, all leisurely. Much conversation and laughter. Dinner is no more formal. The officer's mess is where I'm fed at the 5 pm meal. The quartermaster seems to be a second officer, also eats in the officer's mess. So, for that matter does the messman, but at a separate table, and very definitely in waiting. He also helps serve at crew's mess in rush times - rarely really hurried. There are 2 cooks, old and fat #1, and young and thin #2.
Everyone except Captain and Chief Engineer are Philippino. Most conversation - and there is a lot - is in Tagalog, one of the 88 languages in the Philippines. All seem to have some English. Official tongue of the boat is English. Signs are English and Japanese. Registry of vessel Panama, ownership and manufacture are Japanese. There are many ships in this company group. Some tankers, probably no passenger vessels. All my info is from mess gossip. My overriding impression of people aboard is friendly, smiling, happy people. There seems to be great respect and a latent affection for me - perhaps my great age inspires this. Certainly no action of mine can have brought it about. I do feel cared for and respected - an honorable trophy from the sea.
This morning was consumed entirely by paper work - couple of pages of this tome after bfst of eggs & spam, coffee, toast w/marmalade. (I could have had rice too, most of the crew did.) Then interrupted by Sparks who had a sheet of questions from AMVAR (a branch of Coast Guard?). Anyway a rescue at sea organization, wanting to know many details of what happened, how caused, whether well handled, how avoided in the future. I wrote my answers. Sparks rewrote them on his computer, with help from me over my handwriting and English choice of words. He's not a bit stupid, but does not have a wide vocabulary ('induce', 'jury' gave him almost as much trouble as my hieroglyphics). We got through it with a combined effort in a couple of hours and he pressed the transmit button, shook my hand, face all lit up with pleasure and a big thumbs up gesture. Now Eat! We did.10/21/92Second officer's stateroom is opposite mine. We opened our doors into each other on the way to lunch. So I had to go with him into the officers' mess. Delicious lunch - I am very hungry in spite of no work - rice of course; bowl of cabbage soup w/well cooked gizzard & cabbage leaves; 2 slices of tomatoes, 2 small buds of broccoli, 2 crisp egg rolls stuffed w/meat. I nearly finished the rice today because he brought me a smaller dish. Betcha it will be bigger next time. I've never been so well cared for! 7-Up to drink and an orange to carry off - I'm STUFFED!
Time changed this am - Local Marine time or Ship's time changes with time zones only faster, we change half hours instead of whole hour zones. So I was very early for breakfast - 2 extra coffees! Coffee, juice and snacks always ready. The automated controls put all watches into irrelevance. Crew works days, 8 hours per. Am and pm breaks, may work longer loading and/or unloading, but not the whole crew - and some overtime. They feel well paid, 25 times the wages they'd get in the Philippines, vacation pay if they rejoin the ship or another of this company, retire after so many (25, I think) years. No pensions. Savings are easy but not compulsory.
This ship is a bloody Hotel! All that's missing is a boutique and a taxi stand. Main difference is NO outdoors. Now and again someone steps out onto one of the balconies (wrong word?), but nobody ever needs to. There's nothing to do out there. Movies, canned and taped music, TV, picture puzzles of one and three thousand pieces, all looking exactly alike too. Work, eat, sleep and take money - what could be better? There is whiskey and Fundando (?) brandy in the crew refridge - I had a shot last night - begged into it by the fat mechanic I'd been talking to. He had coffee! Not the first time I've been offered. I've not seen any one drink or drunken. The nearest thing to a library is music tapes, lots more too.
10:00 of my third day aboard, and I've said what I felt as best I could. Capt is filling out forms about me, just came to my cabin to get proof of my taxes paid to US. I had them too! Tax stamp from CG documentation in Miami. What would happen if I'd swum away from Apogee with nothing? Would they throw me back in like an undersize fish? No matter. They insist on treating me as an honored and welcome guest. I am grateful but feel falsely reward, also a little physically constrained, confined to a life inside these walls. There is no normal place for me to be outside. No rule to keep me in either. I'm free to go anywhere except maybe the engine room. But I've been accompanied whenever I go out. I suppose there's a risk of me going o'board - what a mess of paperwork that would make!10/22/9210/21/92 2000 ship's time. More talk with the fat machinist this evening. A nice guy, vastly better informed about the world than I am. Looking forward to retiring in 4 more years to the Philippines where he has a wife and daughter. I have circulated my copy of the letter to Jared and Lynn [about abandoning Apogee] and it seems to make friends for me. Not that there is anything else but friendship in the air. At least I'm no longer a novelty, and I do still seem to generate a warm smile on eye contact.
Tomorrow we drop anchor in the harbor, may not immediately take up loading station. I expect to be thrown out of my deluxe quarters - have to start chasing money and all the troubles of projecting myself to PR. OK, I'm rested, fed, and stable. Even a bit curious.
Day four, I think, on Spring Gannet and I'm frankly bored. I've looked the boat over well, but not really studied anything. Talked at some length with the mechanic who is practical manager of the engine room (my "fat mechanic"). These are a fairly new breed of piston engine. But main and auxiliary burn Bunker C fuel, heavier (less refined and far cheaper than diesel). I suppose more carbon content too. No valves in this engine he says and then gets so excited explaining it to me that I lose the drift altogether! His English is not bad at all, but the emphasis and pronunciation along with my hearing and discrimination problems kill it off very fast. Excess heat is retained to make 21 tons of hot fresh water every day, out of 24 tons of fuel burned to propel the boat. My mechanic thinks this is the pinnacle of efficiency. I just don't know enough about it to have an opinion. 14 knots. Beyond my grasp. I did walk around the boat today. BIG. The paint locker could be a dance hall! Quarters are all stacked up astern on top of the Engine Room. Nobody goes forward for days except to paint, repair, clean, or make ready to anchor or dock. I also got up early to see the east point of Cuba, a barely seen lighthouse in the mist. O'cast most of the day, but I got some sun. Following wind, so no fresh air.10/23/92Due in our loading town's harbor tonight and into the wharf in the morning. It behooves me to get organized for quick departure, since I may be handed over to the "Agent" and not be on my own. I'd like to see the loading process if they'll let me stay on. Overcast seems to be intensifying. There's no view of land now, which is only 20 - 30 miles away as we follow the coast. 50 maybe 60 to go.
I'm in the Jamaica Airport after a scurry and rush to make it before plane time. I'm checked thru and nearly an hour to wait - typical. Up very early this am after being up very late last night watching the anchorage proceeding from the bridge. Very different from Apogee, and yet exactly the same moves by 20 times (at least) as much ship and 20 times as many crew. Bed about 11 and couldn't sleep. Woke at 6 to hurry up to the bridge for the approach and docking. Very interesting. I planned how I would do it, and our Captain did it exactly that way without asking me! Great minds in deep channels. Secure, action dead, I packed. Did the prelims yesterday, got it all into 2 bags, neither light enough to carry easily. They called me to the ship's office where I met Vice Consul Mark Leon (Dept. of State, Washington, DC, 20521-3210) who had come to bustle me through the many complications of leaving a country that I never formally entered. There's a way to do it, but it takes a senior uniformed clerk to accomplish it. The barefoot girl in Sam Browne belt couldn't handle it alone. OK, many forms, no money. I'm forgiven all sins, have a piece of paper that let me fly away IF I have money for a ticket. Gives me 4 days to get out of' town (asked for by Mark Leon, who was considering the lack of transport in PR on Sunday).The gang on Spring Gannet didn't let me go easily. Group photo. Photo with Capt, w/radioman. Warm shake and abrassos with everyone off duty and a couple on! I was in tears going down the gangplank when Mark whisked me off in the government's Toyota for a twenty-mile jaunt to the passport place, police and customs, 15 minutes of paper formalities, and off again to Mark's choice of travel agent. OK. Ticket by VISA. No difficulties. I still have money left. Taxi to airport $300 Jamaican ($15 at 20/1). And here I am. Beer and very soft cheese sandwich in the airport while I wait for the plane. I could be fishing!
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